Friday, October 23, 2009

Getting Out Of This Funk

Ever since my Grandmother went into the hospital I've been in a funk. Almost every night I have dreams about urgently trying to get "somewhere" because "someone" needs me, but can't because I'm trying to run with only one leg, or ride a rickety 2 story high bicycle that has no brakes.

What was originally thought to be a stroke is something scarier. She is having seizures because of a mysterious mass in her brain. Her pacemaker prevents her from having an MRI, so the best that the doctors can do is dyes & X-rays, along with blood tests, all of which are inconclusive. The mass could be cancer. The mass could not be cancer. All that can be done is to wait and see.

There are times when I don't want to be brave. I don't want to be philosophical and accepting. I want to pulverize something. I watched my Dad & Grandfather die of brain cancer. I don't want to watch someone else die that way. But, even as I say I don't want to, I will, if that is the way it's suppose to be.

With all this flu stuff floating around the hospital won't allow Indigo Lynne into the building to see her Great-Grandma so we've been doing all sorts of fancy schedule juggling just to be able to take Grandma outside for a few minutes during the day so that the two of them can spend sometime together.

It's the highlight of Grandma's day. Even though she doesn't need to check out with the nurses she insists that I take her by the nursing station so that she can tell everyone she is going downstairs to visit her Great Granddaughter.

Hopefully she'll be able to leave the hospital on the 31st. To where I don't know. She wants to go home, but I'm not sure that that is going to be a viable option. It's possible that she will have to go into an assisted living center.

Grandma has gracefully accepted her uncertain fate. She's 91 and is living every day as a blessing.

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

41 Days & Counting

My 30 day yoga challenge has been extended to 61 days and I'm on day 41. For the first 38 days I did a physical yoga practice; brief meditation, asanas, and Savasana. On the 39th day, Oct. 9th, I got a call. My 91 year old Grandmother had had a stroke. She was found on her bathroom floor.

What has that got to do with yoga? Everything! I didn't do a physical practice that day, but I did do yoga. Breathe, focus, and quiet the mind. Breathing slowly and deeply helped to focus on getting my daughter fed and dressed. I had to keep my mind focused on driving, just driving, so that we could get to the hospital safely. Then, to keep myself from imagining the worst I had to work really, really hard on quieting my mind.

Breathe, focus, quiet.

Grandma's stroke was a mild one. She'll be spending a few weeks in physical therapy and rehab, then we'll have to decide from there what her living arrangements will be.

I started my physical yoga practice the following day being grateful that I can. I also want to explore yoga more deeply. But, given my limited time schedule I'm not sure how to go about it.

In the meantime,


Monday, October 5, 2009

30 Day Yoga Challenge Completed!!

WooHoo! On Sept. 30th I completed my personal goal of practicing yoga for 30 days in a row! The biggest part of the challenge was finding the time to practice, but I did it.

My favorite time of day to practice yoga was, and still is, in the early evenings. But, for the past month I practiced whenever I got the chance; first thing in the morning, in the afternoon while my daughter was napping, or in the late evening before bed.

You all know the saying about how everything changes when you have a baby. And boy, does it ever! It even changed the way that I practiced yoga.

Before Indigo Lynne was born my practice was much more ritualized.
It probably took me 10-15 minutes just to prepare my space. I would start by selecting just the right music, light some candles and incense, unroll my yoga mat, lay out Tia Sushi's yoga mat (a bath mat and towel I bought just for her), and make sure that my lavender eye pillow and blanket for Savasana were close at hand.

Now I simply turn on the music, which may or may not have been changed for several days, roll out the mats, and away I go.

All that "prep time" was such an essential part of my practice and there were times in the past month when I have missed it. As I continue with my yoga journey I'm going to look for some quick, toddler safe "preps." Maybe a single candle, or some flowers.......

Of course, nothing can ever replace Tia Sushi.